by Norm Richards
Have you researched failed marriage? No, of course you haven't and why? You don't care. It's never happened to you or you're simply not married. Why bother knowing about it? I have a great deal going on in my life. Finding time to care about things outside my sphere of interest is difficult, we all say. But why do people read books? Why do we jog besides exercise being good for us? We need to escape. We want to relax, ease our brain from the all information world we live in. We seek entertainment. We want distraction. Why not, I say. When my marriage failed I wanted to know why. I didn't cheat, she did. Why? Books seemed a slim source to find out although I spent hours flipping through volumes of printed matter, none of which seemed to apply to my marriage. If my name was mentioned I might have paid attention. But no one was there to say, "Man, you blew it." I read on, motivated but with growing discontent until I found a book describing infidelity. Author Alexander Theroux describes his characters from his novel. The male character speaks of his ex-wife by saying;
Whenever I see her, her voice is changed, she looks unusual. The radiance she once had for me is no longer there, it's forced. The spirit of the person I once knew and loved is gone, somehow lost in a cloud that will never fade.
I was started to read this; amazed that Theroux knew the experience. With Theroux, I had a barometer.
I met with my wife, now separated for ten months. By now, she was living full time with the other man. I know he did desparate things to assure his position with her. The thought of it incensed me but I was unable to do anything about it. I needed to be away in another city to maintain my career and stake my own ground. I needed courage to go on. Her career change and mine were a demarcation point. I refused to go to a small town where she was restarting her career. I had to remain in a city to be a writer - producer. Our children were grown. My son would finish high school and get his first job. He would move out on his own but before that he remained with his mother while she co-habited with the other man. My son, not amused, kept in touch each week during this period. I wanted to be sure he knew I cared about him. He knew.
So I met with my wife again in a nearby city while she was on business. I made a point of residing there as a stop off point to get to see her while I sought work as a producer. Besides the feeling of ultimate loss and estrangement, the Theroux view was accurate. I had a way to measure my thoughts and feelings. Yet, I needed closure. After we separated, I had to know that we would not be together again. I found closure in this stop off city. I moved forward, her life and mine, now different. We've each gone our own way. She's since admitted she lives with some discontent and dissolution. It took some time for me to mend a broken heart but today my spirit is high and my soul is at peace having had these insights.